On being (and feeling) pregnant

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The paper-thin emotions that come with pregnancy have finally snuck up on me.  I find myself crying in my car while listening to a not-so-touching NPR piece; I get a lump in my throat reading through poop stories from new moms; and even thinking about future plans for our little family after our daughter is born has me balling my eyes out on the couch.  I’ve always been a little on the emotional side, but now instead of being moved by profound thoughts on life and death or stories of tragedy, little pieces of life affect me in a way they never did before.

All that emotion spattered with a random moodswing here and there has made me a pretty unstable pregnant lady.  It's not easy, but I try to keep my moodiness in check when I can and take in a few breaths or just keep my mouth shut when I know I might be tempted to fly off the handle or say something I don't really mean.  Luckily, life is really good at the moment.  Aside from a few, mostly work-related stresses and some lack of sleep, things are going really well for me.  I'm half-way through my pregnancy, and so far, no major incidents.  I have an unusual, constant pain and some numbness around my ribcage, but it's not uncommon and nothing I haven't been able to ignore or somehow deal with.

I will say, though, that I don't love being pregnant.  I'm usually pushing my body to the limits when I can, so giving up my physical autonomy and not being able to pick up my own luggage or move furniture by myself has not been easy.  And, I miss beer and eating food without being scrutinized by everyone and their mom on whether or not it's "good for the baby."  It doesn't help that my friends decided to open up an awesome bar with my favorite Belgian beer on tap right when I found out I was expecting, either.

But, I know I'm lucky that things are going as well as they are and I'm grateful for that.  All the little bits that I don't like about pregnancy could hardly mask the anticipation and excitement I'm feeling about meeting my little girl.  I hear expecting moms say this all the time, but never did I think I could grow such an attachment to someone I haven't met yet.  Every little thump she makes inside my belly makes me fall more in love with her, and I can't wait to finally hold her and look at her and tell her in person how special she is to me and Gui.

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At 21 weeks!


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