Preschooling 2.0

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

When I was pregnant with Loden, I didn't really have a plan set out for what our time together might look like. I knew from experience that the first year or so with a new baby is a special and unforgettable time that I would want to be entirely present for, so I planned to be home with him as long as possible to maximize our bonding time. What I didn't know was that I would also struggle with a sense of losing my own time and feel a strong urge to regain an independent, meaningful-outside-of-motherhood existence within that year. 

It was a long and bumpy year, but I pushed through and prioritized my life in order to maintain a sense of self-worth and feel like a whole person for my kiddos. Before Loden turned one, I knew he would follow in his sister's footsteps and enter preschool once he was 18 months old. Reading back through the reasons Avienne was ready to start, I see how many of the same apply to Loden. This time, however, there is also the added selfish urgency to reestablish myself as an autonomous being and feel a sense of belonging to a world I currently feel so disconnected from.

When I started looking into schools for Loden, I considered language immersion again, as it had worked so well for Avienne. Some friends of ours recommended their son's Spanish immersion preschool which was a stone's throw away from our house, and after researching it, we decided it was the right place for Loden to begin his schooling away from home. 

I've just dropped him off for his second day, and although he walked into the school with confidence and coolness, he completely fell apart the moment I said goodbye. It's funny because I don't even recall having such strong, gut-wrenching feelings when Avienne did the same, but clearly, I did! I do remember having vague and fleeting feelings of guilt for "abandoning" her at 16 months old, but for me, the greatest takeaway from that experience with her was that she emerged a confident, Mandarin-speaking kid that lasted long after those torturous transitional weeks. My heart feels so full and strong when I think of that happening for Loden. This little boy of mine is so ready to share his love and friendship with the world.

1 comment

Josephine said...

You are out of this world AMAZING and AWESOME mother. I love and adore you!! ❤️You’re doing and have done a fabulous job as a mom!!

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